On loyalty

I've been noticing something lately that's not sitting well with me.

The idea and execution of loyalty as a virtue. 

Loyalty is not dismissing bad behavior. It's not vehemently defending someone when they've done something blatantly wrong.

Loyalty is standing by someone despite their wrongs, but also letting them know that what they've done or what they are doing is unacceptable, if necessary.

There are so many people willing to dismiss things because it's a friend or family member doing it. I believe that this, above many other things, is one of the biggest disservices you can do to someone you love. Letting people get away with shitty things makes you, and them, shitty people.

In the end, defending someone despite their wrongdoings is creating, molding and enforcing a crappy, wholly unlikable person in both you and them. If this person simply can't accept criticism then they need therapy, not your unending enforcement of bad behavior.

Back on my old stomping ground..

I'm back on blogspot. At the age of 23, I can't say I really thought I would be - this is the place where I spilled out my heart's deepest longings and secrets for years when I was just a kid (err, teenager...young adult...whatever). Is blogspot even still a thing? What are people using now?

Anyway, reading my past entries about boys and poetry is....well it's cringeworthy in a lot of aspects (a LOT...like facepalm cringeworthy) but I'm also slightly impressed by my old self. I was honest, sweet and dreadfully self-aware. I kind of miss that. I miss my written voice, and I miss the therapy it provided. I've been floating around with nothing tethering me down for a few years, pretending like I know what the fuck I'm doing, and I'm starting to really feel how negative that is. Writing has always been something I do but never excel at in any spectacular way, but I suppose that doesn't need to stop me from doing it.

I can't believe the things I've written here compared to who I am now. It's like my life went from being fascinating, exciting and heartbreaking (in the most wonderful way) to absolutely...nothing. No satisfaction from anywhere. I know life can't always be that way, but I wonder where my feisty spirit and sense of adventure went. I wonder where all these boys I thought I was going to marry went? Ha!

I left myself some words of wisdom when I was 18 years old, five entire years ago. They're so relevant today, somehow my younger self knew something my older self has already forgotten: "Don't waste your time with certain people. They don't need to be in your life if they don't want to be. Let them go and tell them "good riddance" on their way out. Then, FORGET. Don't dwell. Don't wish. Because when it's right nothing will need to be said or thought about."

I'll leave it there for now. But I'll be back, ohhh I'll be back. There is so much I have to get out. It's all pent up and threatening to explode disastrously if I don't. So I will.